SIlver and White
by doomedpassion
Summary: Soulmates/ABO-verse AU Post-series: Simon is worried about Jace and his recklessness. He fears his beloved Alpha's death. It's has some angst - death is a heavy topic - and some fluff to balance it out, thus the hurt comfort. JImon The series belongs to Cassie Clare. I am just playing in her playground. May accept requests for elaboration, depending on my mood.


He has always wanted to find his soulmate. He devours ever mention in manga scanlations and yes, fanfiction. What? He is a teenager. Teenagers and the internet have a symbiotic relationship. Some people say that there is a Pull between soul mates, which can't be true. As far as he knows, soul mates recognize each other by first contact. Or at least that's what the internet says. So it sucks ass that some people never find their soul mate because they never touch, even if that person were to pass by on the street.

The internet even says that the first touch between soul mates is also the moment their name appears on your wrist in the colours of that person's soul. Bonding occurs during consummation or sex and consummation is always binding. Or at least that is what he has gleaned over years of research, well five years really. He's sixteen going on seventeen.

And yes, Downworlders do have souls. They are born (or re-born in the case of vampires and werewolves) with their soul mate's name on their wrist in silver or black depending on the amount of angel or demon blood or viral particles they carry in their bodies. A name in white shows that your soul mate is yet to be born. A name disappearing would be a sign of your soul mate's death accompanied by a sense of loss. Of course tragically neither Mundane are incapable of discerning whether their soul mate is alive, dead or has yet to be born. The first touch allows those names to form.

I saw it in silver flowing script adorned by that first night.

Jonathan Herondale

Something about that name felt wrong, like it should be something else or –

That I think was the first clue.

The second –

I felt the Pull for the very first time. Nobody told me it was real.

The third –

I saw his aura, just a flicker. It matched mine. You are going to ask: how do you see your own aura? It's simple really. A) you can look into a mirror – it reflects the real world hidden by glamours; B) stare at your hand, your arm, as close to where you can feel a pulse until your eyes almost cross or you begin to feel overwhelmed by the sight of your skin or clothing (the aura passes through clothing). Voila, you see it. Other people can see your aura too if they are looking for it. And the sorts of people who want to see your aura are people who are usually bad business. There are diffusive charms that mislead the enemy eye from your aura if you're willing to pay for them.

I think that's when he knew.

I'm sure you want to know just what exactly I am. I'm a newly minted Downworlder or have for a couple years now. Vampire.

People say vampires don't have souls. We do. Becoming undead, the demonic virus anchors the soul to the dead body, animating it, using blood for its energy source. Sunlight burns away the demonic virus diseased body and frees the soul.

Me? I'm different. I can move in the sun. It's the angel blood in my veins, thanks to Jace. It neutralizes part of the demonic energies that bind my soul to my body. It doesn't change the fact that I need blood to survive and it is usually Jace's. I don't know whether it's because of his angel blood or that he's my Alpha. But I do know that neither of us really liked each other until we got to know each other by fighting together against Valentine. I still remember the night on Valentine's boat. For the first time I realized how much I needed him.

"_I could have killed you."_

"_I would have let you."_

He knew, the asshole that he is. That hasn't changed. Sometimes I wonder what that says about me being his soul mate.

I didn't know, at least not until after the feeding.

Feeding from him wasn't just a touch that allows two souls recognize their other half. It creates a bond between predator and prey. What we both knew was that he, a Shadowhunter, would have let me kill him for his blood. It scared me then, someone who was so strong, an alpha would allow me a mere omega to take his life for what? A full stomach? It was strange. Any other Alpha would have killed the omega. But it was Jace and I. It scared me then that he would risk his life to protect me or to keep me alive.

It still scares me.

"Baby."

"Jace! You scared the hell out of me," I jump.

He snickers. "Nice choice of words."

Wouldn't you like to know? I couldn't tell him that. He'd only ask questions and get obnoxiously overbearing the way he does when he likes to pretend he isn't worried but really is very much so. I bit my lip. But it was already on the tip of my tongue. I don't want you to die, especially not for me.

"Feeling guilty for wanting to eat me? I know I'm tasty, but you need to chill down."

"Jace! Be serious." I roll my eyes.

"Look. It's been more than a year. I'm fine, great even. Since Valentine and Sebastian are done for, we've been experiencing less demon invasions. You don't need to worry about me. I'm not going to keel over any time soon. Besides, you're worth keeping young and beautiful." He caresses the skin of my cheek with the back of his fingers. I can't help but lean in to him. I close my eyes. It would be easier to agree with him and forget this until the next time it bothers me again.

It is birthday after all.

But it is precisely this date that bothers me. Every year will bring the last closer. I don't want our time to end. I have get this out now, or it will always be a thorn in my side.

"Jace," I cried, "I'm going to out exist you. How can you be so blasé about this?"

"Then Turn me."

"That's not you! You are a Shadowhunter," I said, closing my eyes. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't ever do it. It was his life. I couldn't take that from him.

"I hunt rogues. Luke-" He snaps, his face snapping shut.

I hate it when he does that. Clary – she hated it too, still does. I feel for him in our bond. It's empty of everything except white noise. I sigh.

"Can't call himself one anymore. You'll lose yourself."

"Didn't you?"

"I needed it. I drank vampire blood. Don't you remember?" I cried, lowering my face into my hands. It has always been one of my greatest failings. I could have fought it. I should have. I could have learned. "A-and I-I had more to gain in retrospect. It wouldn't be the same for you."

"For you anything is worth it!" There's that light in his eyes again. It says I will do what I think is right and the world will fall into place. I hate that look too. It's reckless. I just want him to be safe and by my side. And that's the problem. He isn't safe with me. I could take his life away from him, in every sense. I almost did. I won't be that selfish. I can't.

But some petty part of me can't forget – what he meant to her; she to him.

"Didn't you say that to Clary?" My mouth snaps shut, grinding my teeth.

"How could you even –"

"Didn't you? Look at what happened between the two of you?" It wasn't that I thought I was worth less to him than her. It was – I am making excuses and I hate myself for it, but –

He seems to understand. "She's not my soulmate. She's not you."

"But was she worth everything too?" I should stop. I really should. I'm driving the other half of my soul away. The problem is I knew it.

"I-I thought she was. You are a part of my soul. I can't...she's my sister, you know that."

"You were her lover."

"The angel whose blood we share makes her my sister. I was her lover too. It felt good at the time, but it wasn't right. She isn't you. Every other relationship pales in comparison to ours. I can't feel as much for anyone but you."

"Romantic, but really," I said, drily, "is that enough to make you want to give up your life as a Shadowhunter? You might grow to hate me."

"I can't. You are my soul mate."

"We didn't like each other when we first met. It is possible to hate your soul mate. You know that right? And it's possible to love people other than the other half of your soul."

"Those other people are an approximate match. Those unions don't mean shit."

"Jace…" I say, softly.

"My parents weren't soul mates," he growls. "I shouldn't even exist!"

"Where would I be if you didn't?" I whisper. "And you can't know they weren't!"

"Valentine arranged their marriage."

"Your father wasn't Amatis's soul mate either?"

"No."

"Who then?"

"I don't know."

"His name used to be on mine."

"Jocelyn! I mean Mrs. Garroway."

"And it is possible to love someone who isn't your soul mate. I loved Valentine. And now I love Luke. I hope I helped a little."

"I –"

"Thank you Jocelyn." I smile tightly at her. Eventually that will be my reality. Maybe I will find someone else.

"No. There can't be anyone else but me. She wasn't bonded to my father. He married my mother. She doesn't know what it is like. I-I never want to feel that way again."

"What?"

"We were already bonded when you died. Your name disappeared when you were under ground. I-I can't lose you again. I-I would rather die than let you get taken from me again. That's also why I don't want you to feel like that. I want to stay here, with you. My blood, I can live another fifty years past that of an ordinary human because I won't get killed in battle. Trust me."

"Then I'll die with you. You know I will."

"What will you miss I wonder. Is it my blood or my magnificent self?"

"Jace! You jerk!" I storm across the room, digging pans out from their drawers. Even as a vampire I can still cook better than Isabelle. Most of the effort really was for Jace – my soul mate, my Alpha and my love. For any other person it should have ended there, but he was also food. Most vampires aren't soul mates to their food source. So I'm unique in mostly everything.

I watched him bemusedly out of the corner of my eye. Apparently he can do the kicked puppy face really well for someone as arrogant as he is.

I go back to ignoring him until he comes up and wraps his arms around my waist. He presses a kiss to my neck.

"I'm sorry. Forgive me please?"

"You know the answer to that."

It's true. We both know that by the time dinner is served I will have forgiven him. For us it's easy getting into fights, but it's also easy for us to make up afterwards. Besides I can't sleep without him next to me. I need to hear his heartbeat. I had a panic-attack when he went out on an overnight hunting trip. I tend not to sleep those nights, behaving like a true vampire.

"Just say it."

"I think that's a little more than you deserve right now. Ask me again when dinner is ready."

"Is it ready yet?"

"Jace!"

He cackles and shouts, "you know you love me!"

"Sometimes I'm not sure why I do." I mutter.


End file.
